A 55 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above “You will live to be 100.”
She looked around and didn t see anyone. Again she heard “You will live to be 100.”
She thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I ve got 45 more years to live!
So off , she went to the plastic surgeon.
She got everything fixed from head to toe.
When she left the plastic surgeon s office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God “You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 45 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?”.
God said: “I didn t recognize you”.
The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.
The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.
The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 300 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes.
At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.
The farmer asked the manager, “How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?”
The manager answered, “Listen, all my life I’m cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions.”
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs…20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan(President House) in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax …….”
It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A, Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He’s had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B, He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
Candidate C, He is a decorated war hero. He’s a vegetarian, Teetotaler and doesn’t smoke, and also hasn’t had any extramarital affairs.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Answers will be available within this week.
Then compare your decision.